I don’t know if it’s anxiety, nostalgia, confusion or I’m just not doing as well as I seemed to have been doing lately.
I’m stuck looking at the past, worrying if I’ve made the right choice. Picturing myself in the future. Picturing myself in the past. Fantasizing about things that never happened and should have happened. Going back in time and changing things which means regret. Erasing parts of my life and adding others. Changing things so I would not be in the place I am now.
The could have been‘s.
My self esteem has also plummeted. It’s not only my looks, it’s myself as a person. I’ve been feeling unworthy, uninteresting, average, a failure.
Mediocre. Not good at anything in the end. Nothing outstanding to give the world, therefore, why am I even here?
10 years gone to the drain? a big portion of my life. I cannot get it back. I cannot change it. I cannot restart the game. I cannot re-roll.