Thank you guys for your comments. I seem to have spent so much time putting myself down, that I just focused on how useless I am for not being able to meet the goals and tasks required of me. But I think you are right. The psychologist is being unreasonable and to be honest, he’s rubbed me the wrong way since the very first time I met him.
I’m not just angry about my case. I’m angry about mental health services all over the world and about people not getting the support they need. In comparison, I have it good. Besides this psychologist, I have a new psychiatrist. He changed my meds. I thought: Whatever, nothing seems to really work anyway.
But I’m taking them.
I can’t see my old psychiatrist anymore because it’s a private service, 400 km away, and my family has already said they can’t affort either him, the trip to meet him, and the meds anymore. The new psychiatrist has accepted to see me for FREE until I can make money on my own. That’s 1. Frigging sweet. and 2. A sign that somehow, he truly believes I can get better.
The psychiatrist and the psychologist talk with each other, and they say they have talked about me. But that doesn’t make much sense because they say very different things. The psychiatrist says that my management is mostly medical, not psychological, and that I need to wait until the new meds kick in before I even think about jumping into work or anything similar.
The psychologist seems to think I’m just lazy. He’s condescending and even hugged me the other day, which totally freaked me out. He thought my repelling body language just meant I’m an anxious person.
No, I couln’t see him today either. Didn’t leave the house.
Weekends don’t count so nothing will happen until Monday.
La is right, leaving the house for something I dread makes all this much more difficult, except I don’t really leave the house for any other reason, either.
Maybe just for buying coke at the store nearby. 🙂