Functionality and Opportunities

I’ve been trying to sort my life out. I believe that my main problem now is my great difficulty in terms of functionality. The theory is that the loss of functionality is secondary to depression but now it’s actually the main factor responsible for my low mood. Or is it? I’m making this up but it’s all I have for now.

Oh yeah, I’m also dealing with lots of cognitive problems. Lack of concentration, poor memory, and glitches in language processing. I’m highly intelligent so I compensate for a lot of it. But it’s greatly frustrating.

I wish for my functionality to improve. Every day. But how exactly will that work? Right now I actually have a proper chance to go back to an active life. I have lots of things going for me, really. I already have a degree, and if I were to be cured tomorrow I’d have a world of opportunities waiting for me. But I’m not cured. It’s infuriating. It’s like being locked in a cage with a banquet in front of me, just out of reach, a la tantalus.

Everything is out there, so delicious, but I can’t get it.

The worst is… I know it’s not going to be there forever.

One day it’ll be gone.

I need to find my way out, fast.

  1. #1 by Pandora on July 7, 2011 - 7:49 pm

    😦 *hugs* lovely. I empathise and know it’s a horrible, frustrating place to be. Sending you lots of strong, warm thoughts, for what they’re worth. xxx

  2. #2 by albinorealm on July 10, 2011 - 5:32 pm


    I’m so proud of this blog entry. You combined your writing with your doodles for a result that has me melting. *points at puddle self as evidence*

    It won’t be beyond your reach forever. You are improving with time. Furthermore, you are not alone. It may seem like you are the only bolitaz in that picture, but there is another one that is stealthing and working very hard to pry open those jail bars for an epic getaway. Meanwhile, this stealthed bolitaz is handing you goodies from the table to maintain your energy. You will need it for when we get away. *clutches your cute hand*

    I am never giving up on you. I believe in you. You are worth it. I love you. The End. *dabs your cute tear with a purple hanky* For you. *squeeze*

    Keep blogging. You create such descriptive words and images. I love seeing your mind at work. So beautiful.

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