I sent a letter to my future self

I just sent myself a letter that was meant to be read 4 years from now, but my virtual time catapult messed up (fine, I messed up) and I sent it only 1 year away  (here is the website I used in case you want to do the same: http://futureme.org).

I guess it’s alright, 1 year can be a long time, especially with the way things are.  I hope that by then, a lot has changed.  My reaction to that letter will depend on that.

I also realized that blogging is a lot like these kind of time capsules. I have been blogging one way or the other since 2004 at least.  I still have the entries.  I was 17 and very silly, as can be seen by these kind of writings:

I’ve been here in the computer for like 3 hours and… I don’t want to do my homework!!! *whines* It’s a perfect day, cool, lots of breeze, perfect to sleep, not to do homework!

Oh my student days, I miss them.

I’ll stop worrying about the fact that I don’t have a date or anything tonight. After all, in this moment I don’t like anybody, and nobody likes me… what can I do. For those who are good enough to get dates on the weekends, awesome. But I’ll stop feeling bad because of it. I won’t suffer, at least not today…. because, why all lifes have to be that way?, you’re little, you play with dolls. You grow up and Wow! it’s time to date! If you don’t you’re a loser!, I know that’s how evolution has made us, our ancient instinct of reproduction living in the lymbic system, that’s a primitive system! That’s why I have a cortex, I don’t have to follow those rules…

Lonely teenage nerd girl

At the end of the day I ended up fighting with Kike about some college stuff, he was being rude all the day and it was the time to put him in his place…. That guy is so inmature, even though he’s like 22.

Oh 22, that’s like, sooo old.

And then, the very emotional depressive posts.

I hate my life, I’ve been having dreams all these nights, they all resemble horror movies, horrible things happen in my dreams, but the worst is when I wake up and feel dissapointed, because it felt better inside the nightmare than in my real life. Why is everyone living and I can’t, what am I missing? Everything seems wrong, I’m sure someone with my life would be able to take it and get a lot of good things out of it, but I can’t, all I do everyday is crying, I can’t take my own life. I’m too weak, I don’t even know why I turned out like this. I dont’ even know what to do now because I can’t fucking kill myself.

It’s mostly embarrassing, but interesting at the same time.  Can’t wait to be 25 and read what I just sent today.  A lot can change in a year.  Hopefully I’ll still be around?

  1. #1 by Pandora on February 15, 2011 - 1:53 pm

    When I first went off work back in August 2009, I wrote myself a time delayed email – I think it was from the same service you used. I was really surprised when I got it a year later – I’d forgotten all about it – but found it really interesting. Unfortunately, I’d said stuff like, “I’m sure you’re back at work now,” and “I trust that you’re actually doing something vaguely interesting and related to your academic background” etc. And of course I was just about to officially lose my job and was still incapable of employment, so that was a bit of a fail!

    I totally agree that blogging / journaling is similar. I read the old paper diaries that I used to keep and am by turns horrifically cringing and amused. I read my older blog entries and find it interesting to compare where I am now to where I was at the time.

    So even though we’re probably both going, “oh my God, did I actually say that?!”, it’s still worthwhile to have these chronicles of our lives 🙂

    • #2 by purplesapho on February 15, 2011 - 7:31 pm

      I suppose I’m still holding the hope that next year I will be recovered and working again. However I didn’t fill the email with expectations that could bring me down in case they don’t come true. I was very friendly with myself and mostly wrote about what was going on right now in the probable case that my future self doesn’t remember.

      I can barely stomach my old entries, reading the excerpts I posted was a little bit hard, and I felt a lot of embarrasment, but I still like having that available.

      Thanks for commenting!

  2. #3 by Lachy on February 17, 2011 - 1:22 am

    You sent another one to yourself after we talked about it? 🙂 I still haven’t gotten around to writing mine, I’m not sure when I’ll get onto it. I can barely manage writing regular blog entries.

    A blog is exactly like a time capsule that stores your thoughts, beliefs, opinions, even fragments of your personality from an earlier time. Back in high school Philosophy we kept a journal of philosophical topics we were thinking about, ensuring to date every single one, as thoughts and opinions can change over time. Comparing the present with the past is an interesting excercise. We used to track our beliefs at different times during the year by placing ideas on a continuum of belief or disbelief.

    I also noticed on GrungeMedia when I made that “how much has changed” topic. That was based from this idea as well, that the Internet is an automatic time capsule that stores your personality at several points.

    Though, with my blog I leave out a lot of personal thoughts simply because I feel they’re uninteresting and I’ll end up embarrassing myself or looking back on it later and hating what I’ve written. I’d prefer to write them in a more private location, like a physical journal. I haven;t written in that since the end of year 10, but at least it stores two years of my thoughts.

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