Yep. I’m 24 now.
Birthdays were always my favourite day of the year, until now. There’s something about advancing further into your twenties linked to ageing instead of growing up and therefore, making the day scary instead of a celebration.*
Predictably, a “where has my life gone to?” crisis ensued.
It’s also the fact that this is the first year when I didn’t really acomplish anything academically. I took it hard. 2010 has been <one of> the worst year<s> depression-wise. I’ve been homebound most of the time, leaving only for my art classes next door and the ocassional errand that I can’t miss.
But I’m talking about obvious acomplishments, the kind that you can tell people about: finished another year of school, graduated, traveled somewhere, had a kid, survived a plane crash by having it teleport miles away a few seconds before the impact, etc.
Well, none of that happened. Which makes it especially difficult to socialize and answer the dreaded question: “What have you been up to?”
Gosh I hate that question.
However, it’s the first thing I ask someone when I haven’t seen them in a long while.
But not all is wasted, I think. At least it doesn’t seem that way in a random rainy night when my mood is okay.
I feel wiser. My self esteem is the best it’s ever been. I’m in a stable, though long distance relationship. I know myself better. I’m more assertive. I survived losing the psychiatrist I thought was going to help me, then found someone who is even better. I survived counless inner battles and all that drama.
On more practical terms: My drawing and painting skills have improved a lot. My spoken English has improved a lot. I learned that the best way for me to work out is by dancing while no one is looking. EDIT: I CAN WHISTLE!
It helps to put this out here, so I can see it and present it as evidence when the T1000 in my head** decides to announce how much I’ve wasted my time.
Possible things it can tell me:
- I still don’t know how to make money by myself.
- I still don’t know how to handle the people from my past.
- I still can’t remember my own phone number.
- I still need insane amounts of sleep.
- I still don’t cook or clean.
- The list should grow.
I need to be ahead of it.
* I still love the cake.
**Yes I’m giving the voice in my head its own identity, and soon, its own avatar.