Excess of Awareness

Live Like You’re Going To Die Tomorrow

Right.  The biggest cliche in the world.   Imagine that each day is your last,  and  you’ll make the best out of today and always live satisfied and happy like a koala simultaneously smoking weed and masturbating up on the clouds.  A carrot on a stick.  Tomorrow never comes.

Besides the literal implications of such an idea –people are most likely to do something highly hedonistic, destructive, selfish and/or oportunistic-, the deeper meaning of it has to do with increasing your awareness.  If you live your life on autopilot, it would force you to stop and give you some perspective.

But I don’t live my life on autopilot, and I don’t lack perspective.

If much, I could say that my perspective is too wide, and my awareness too intense to be healthy.  Whether this is a consequence of depression or it is who I am, I don’t know anymore.  Lets mix both and call it even.

I don’t have a terminal illness, a death sentence, or need to hunt for food everyday.  However, I am always juggling some excess of awareness.  The knowledge that there’s a million things that could kill me or someone I know any second, just as many people and living things are dying as I type this post.  The certainty that I get older by the second. That I can’t take anything for granted.  That if I don’t meet with you right now maybe I never will.  That if I learn all I want about biology then I’ll die before I have time for math.  That I shouldn’t be sleeping.  That YOU shouldn’t be sleeping because there’s still a million things I want to know about you.  That I won’t figure out my mind and express it all on time.  That all the old people are always pondering about their regrets and I don’t want to have any.

I have to juggle it all because I can never just keep it.  Everything is too uncertain.  Everything is far from inspirational, it’s too tiring, too overwhelming.  Soon will came the meteor rock that will pierce my head before I hit “publish”.

Screw it all.

My carrot on a stick is to think that even though I couldn’t shower, go out and see the world dancing on a stick today, there’s still tomorrow.  I do what I freaking can.

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  1. #1 by la on April 13, 2010 - 9:38 am

    “Imagine that each day is your last, and you’ll make the best out of today and always live satisfied and happy like a koala simultaneously smoking weed and masturbating up on the clouds.”

    HA!!! That’s my quote of the day and it’s not even noon yet!

    I wish I could take to heart the wider meaning.

  2. #2 by albinorealm on April 14, 2010 - 3:49 am

    It is so odd how many people utter that saying like a mantra, as if it were something to revere, yet ironically, are not fond of the people that take it to heart. Humans have the unfortunate tendency to spread ideas that appear benign or wonderful but fail to be so when you dig into them. In the end, they spread like a horrifically contagious meme disease.

    You are correct. If most people were to follow that mantra, it would be chaos and anarchy. The world functions right now (albeit poorly) because of the people that fail to see the bigger picture. If most people truly stop to assess their situations, chances are that they would make radical choices in their lives. Except, you can bet those in power do not want the drones to be hyper-aware of their ‘shitty’ circumstances.

    Are we hyper-aware? I would say so. When most people go on with their lives pretending they will be young and live forever, we are excruciatingly aware of our own mortality. We know of the dangers of going outside. Where most think getting hit by a car or being in a car accident happens to ‘other people,’ we know we can easily be one of them.

    It would seems a poor awareness of self and the world in general makes you easy to control. On the other hand, extreme awareness can be incredibly debilitating. There is too much information. Too many things to do and not do, to make right or that can go catastrophically wrong . . . how to get into a tunnel and then switch at will into another? Most people learn tunnel vision and get stuck in that same tunnel all their lives, semi-content in their ignorance.

    I wonder about the evolutionary implications of this. I wonder what role awareness has and will come to play for future versions of humanity. Is it possible to be healthy in mind and highly aware? Is the key learning to switch tunnels? Is the goal to perfect this technique in order to live a meaningful life? Furthermore, what does this even mean for someone that is already sick?

    One of the many wonderful things about your blog entries, is that you begin with an idea and then plant purple seeds in the reader, in a world where seeds are rare and even rarer if they take root in your mind.

    I simply adore and admire your writing Sapho, please never stop producing seeds–yours are as sticky as they get. *hands you an extra bottle of purple superglue* Bring it. ;P

    -The Plushie

  3. #3 by la on April 14, 2010 - 4:30 am

    I wonder where you’re from, albinorealm?

    I wonder because when I read

    “the literal implications of such an idea – people are most likely to do something highly hedonistic, destructive, selfish and/or oportunistic”

    I thought yeah maybe those hot-blooded South Americans 😉
    But I bet in Britain (where I live) if we were told the world would end tomorrow most of us would carry on as before: eat our breakfast, wait for the train, complain about the train being late (“You’d think on our last day on earth, it could at least be on time!”), complain about the weather (“It would rain on the last day on earth!”) go to work, complain about work, ad infinitum. Because what else is there to do? Just carry on as normal. With a little sigh. Stiff upper lip and all that.

  4. #4 by Tanya on April 22, 2010 - 4:12 pm

    “The knowledge that there’s a million things that could kill me or someone I know any second, just as many people and living things are dying as I type this post”

    As much as I hate anyone else feeling like this, it makes me feel a little bit less neurotic to know that other people not only get stuck in that fishbowl of anxiety too. Or it’s comforting to not feel quite so alone with my skewed perception. I’m glad you’ve got a new blog and are writing again. I’d miss you if you didn’t.

  5. #5 by Lachy on April 28, 2010 - 2:40 am

    Nessa, I definitely do understand how you’re feeling, but you don’t need to worry about anything just yet. You’ve got plenty of time, you just need to remember that all of the negative things you’re thinking of probably won’t happen, so there’s nothing to worry about if you just carry on as normal. In the end, as long as you’ve taken some chances and enjoyed yourself, you shouldn’t have any real regrets. If you believe in fate as I do, you’ll realise that you’ve lived the best life possible so far, and you can rest assured in the hope that there’ll be plenty more good things to come.

    It’s ok to be aware of things around you, as it allows you to make the most informed choice possible. There’s really no need for you to concern yourself with all of the improbabilites of the world. You’re intelligent, and everybody knows (including you) that you won’t make a lot of bad choices, and even if you do, you’re able to handle it and there are people who will help you anyway. Just try to do whatever you think you will benefit you the most at the time. It may seem hedonistic occasionally, but that’s ok. You deserve to get some enjoyment out of the things you do.

    Anyway, just remember that there’s plenty more good things on the way, no matter what appears to be happening at this point in time. Trust yourself and do whatever you think is best and something positive is sure to happen. You’re magic like that. *hugs*

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